Email to My Coworker, Who is Becoming a Teacher

Ready to freak out?

Here goes…

So here’s my advice, for what it’s worth.

I did AmeriCorps for a year in New Mexico, teaching desert folk. Then I did a year of student teaching in NYC, but I had posh fancy public magnet schools. It’s the hardest job you will ever have, unless you join the Marines or something. It may totally fulfill you and bring you joy, you may completely hate it, or you may fall somewhere in the middle. Don’t try to do too much, don’t imagine you can save any of these kids, and don’t beat yourself up for not being good enough. Some of them are going to fall through the cracks because of circumstances that are bigger than you and bigger than the school system.

You’re in New York City, so you’ll be in the place where class, race, poverty, gender, and justice all intersect: the public school classroom. Some days will bring you happiness and others will send you into a death spiral of rage. A lot of teachers drink. A lot.

It’s a tough gig. Some people take joy in it. I never did, which is why I quit. Education has a huge rate of attrition, and there are good reasons for that. Do not consider yourself a failure if you quit; do not consider yourself a failure if you consider quitting. Everyone thinks about quitting teaching.

Don’t imagine yourself as Michelle Pfeiffer in “Dangeous Minds” or as any other white-person-saves-the-little-brown-kids teacher story, because it’s all glossy crap. Also, know that teaching in any school involves dealing with a network of gossipy women. You’re one step ahead of that game because you’re a dude, and dudes are always welcome in the faculty room. Some of the women will flirt with you, others will treat you with indifference, and others will want to mother you.

Accept that in advance, mind your own business, ask for help whenever you need it and understand that sometimes it will not come, especially if you’re in a Title IX school where resources are stretched to the limit.

The stuff you will hear: Never be alone in a room with a student (you will break this rule). Conference in the hallway if necessary; leave the door open if it’s not possible to chat in the hallway. Never hug a student (you will break this rule, too). Never swear in front of a student (you might not break this rule, but I did. Several times.) No teacher follows all the rules. Some teachers follow some rules and some teachers follow other rules and teachers get pissed at each other for following different sets of rules.

Are you teaching teenagers? They’re insane and brilliant and they will break your heart but they will also inspire you. Seniors are better than sophomores and juniors, because you know they cared enough to make it to the end (or someone cared about them enough to command them to do so.) Freshmen can be a nightmare or they can be adorable. It’s weird how little they will seem to you. Make your MySpace and Facebook accounts private, now.

Create a special Gmail account and give it to them. Collect their email addresses on the first day, if they have them. Send out homework reminders. Email them when they are sick. Be a pain in the ass.

As for elementary or middle schoolers, I have no idea. Apparently they are very cute and sometimes wildly irritating, but cute.

Kids like rules. They love rules. They love them because they love to break them, and also because they love to follow them. Make rules. Kids routinely describe their favorite teachers as “tough but fair.” Take from that what you will. Be sure to hand out praise when it is deserved.

Understand that you will be one of the only constant male figures in some of these kids’ lives. They may hate you or love you or just like you, and they may not be able to articulate this, but they need you to set rules and boundaries and enforce them because in some cases NO ONE ELSE DOES.

The good stuff: you may make connections that turn into friendships later on (I’m totally friends with some of my old students who are now 19 and 20 and 21). You may make kickass friends among the faculty. There may be times in the classroom where the kids make you laugh so hard your stomach hurts. You will see the lightbulb moment where a kid suddenly “gets it” and you will feel like a rock star crossed with Gandhi. And on some days you will know that you made a huge and very real difference in someone’s life. You will also meet genius children who will knock your socks off, and they will make you happy to teach them. Also, the money’s good. In New York City, the money’s good, for an artsy/intellectual type of job. So are the benefits and the vacation.

If you try to half-ass the job, you will not enjoy it. I did that, and I didn’t enjoy it. My heart was never in it. Teaching is not just a job; it’s a career and a life choice. You bring stuff home with you, literally and figuratively.

In the end, you won’t learn crap in your grad school classes, but you’ll get a degree that will up your earning power, and you’ll learn how to structure a lesson plan. Everything you learn will take place in the classroom. The only lessons that matter will come from fellow teachers.

I’m sure that this was partly terrifying and partly encouraging. If you have any questions that I can answer, I’ll be glad to do so.