…because the most exciting parts of my day thus far have been getting my roots done at the salon, talking Bliss Spa out of charging me for cancelling a massage and brow wax, and taking an Ambien.
The Upper East Side has truly taken over. Next I’ll be designing a line of clothing for Victoria’s Secret while my homosexual husband and his gay boyf Roman redecorate their chateau in France and my bulimic daughter resentfully snatches up a pie, shoots me a look of death, and trots off to the bathroom to fingerbang her uvula.
‘fingerband her uvula’
I adore you.
And I you, sir.
And I you.