Liveblogging DAVID GERGEN on “Anderson Cooper 360″ with guest host Campbell Brown

In the absence of new Gossip Girl episodes, I fill the Chuck Bass-sized hole in my soul with David Gergen.

I love David Gergen. He is the greatest person ever. I like to liveblog as much of his genius as possible.

11:06: Campbell asks Gergs about what would happen if McCain had a positive melanoma biopsy.

11:07: David Gergen is in Pebble Beach, California. The background is very pretty. There appears to be a variety of terra cotta sunbursts behind him. His peach blush looks adorable, much like that of a tiny girl or very old woman who has laquered on rouge with an unsteady hand. Do they have his granddaughter or perhaps his aged maiden aunt working makeup on location? He also is wearing some sweet lipstick/gloss and some doe-eye mascara.

11:07: Campbell asks Dee Dee Myers about something. Christ, Dee Dee Myers got older. But her hair is better than those terrible days of yore. Nice white suit, Double Dee. Holy shit, what the fuck is that strange medallion/Zuni fetish she is wearing around her neck? Dee Dee looks pretty dee-deecent. HA!

11:09: Campbell says Barack Obama is talking about the economy, plus something about the candidates and lobbyists. Female suicide bombers “the newest terror tool in Iraq.” But where the fuck is Anderson? And why didn’t I get a hell of a lot more DAY-VID GUH-GEN in that last segment? Cooper lets him have the floor as often as he wants! What the hell is up, Camps?

11:12: Candy Crowley doing some intelligent voice-overing. Talkin’ bout Obama. Nice B-roll of Obamaz and Merkel. What do you get when you cross a medieval pubic wig (merkin) with a 1990s black sitcom nerdling (Erkel)? MERKEL!

11:14: Oh Christ, Obama is so hot. Oh God, look at him on the front porch at 10 Downing. Oh God. I can’t handle it. How did we get this candidate? We haven’t been very good as a generation or anything. What did we do to deserve this slice of magic presidential cake?

11:15: WTF?! AN ENTIRE SEGMENT WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A PEEP FROM GERGEN? Campbell Brown, I know you aren’t directing or producing this segment, but you are driving it straight into the ground! INTO THE GROUND!

11:18: AHAHAHA! I just realized they’ve got Ed “John Called Cindy a Cunt” Rollins up in this piece!

11:20: David: “Impugning Senator Obama’s patriotism is just bunkum.” YES! Gergsies’ pancake looks good. Apparently he hung out with Larry Sommers today at a photo op, which to me is all kinds of hilarious. Gergen, being a good former Sommers underling, gots mad respect for L-dawg.

11:22: Apparently Dee Dee wrote a book called “Why Women Should Rule the World.” Hillary Clinton perhaps does not disagree with her husband’s former employee.

VERDICT: Not enough Gergen. And now Brown is going to bring us images of monkeys being imprisoned in some fucked up African meat market? No thank you. More D. Gergz, less depressing real-world news.